Bad Dad
Call me an idiot, but I thought being a father would be a doddle: playing an almost god-like role (the giver of life), pinching the kid's sweets, playing the best games, getting adoring looks from foxy mums, and looking forward to living off the blighter in years to come.The nipper's only one week old, and I'm starting to think otherwise. If I were god, I certainly wouldn't have inflicted the missus with an infection and the kid with feeding problems. Both had to be rushed back to hospital. Both are now much better, and settling at home.
Speaking of home... I got a great child safety kit from Mothercare, and aside from the plastic plug socket covers, the most valuable item is the fridge lock. Not for the kid, mind - he's a few months to go before he's feasting on my Leffe - but for the missus. She's had nine months of being sworn off blue cheese, and now she's hellbent on making up for it. I don't think Mr Camberzola can produce the blue-veined wonder at the rate she's scoffing it, so this lock might just be the answer.
I think she's getting her own back, though. How long does it take to change a nappy? One week in, I'd hardly claim professional status, but I can rip through a change in a couple of ear-splitting minutes. The missus, on the other hand, can turn the torturous process into a feature-length film (a horror flick, no doubt). Sure, he's got to be clean. Fine, we dont' want a rash. But does that have to take fifteen minutes? Especially when he's bawling and I'm trying to sleep with a pillow over my ears.
And speaking of nappies, why doesn't a bright spark from Mothercare market a nappy with an outside indicator to show if the baby's had a woop-woop! It could either be a litmus paper style patch, or a see-through window. Perhaps I should go on Dragons Den. Perhaps I will, afterall, make my mint from this kid.
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